follow-up

So, I went back to the doctor {yes...that one....} for a follow-up. My blood work came in normal, but he still wanted to see me to talk about some other options to what has been going on. I was so nervous for this appointment...I didn't want it to end up like the last one...I was making myself so anxious that I felt like I could hurl. Yuck.

But I didn't.

And the stupid, 12 year old tech came in and asked me questions, blah blah blah...making me even more nervous...

Then....in comes the doctor {with the other nurse who offered me chocolate when I bawled after the last appointment...embarrassing...cause, yes...she remembered}. He tells me they ran all kinds of tests on my thyroid and nothing. My cholestrol is fine. My blood pressure is fine. "So, it's just me" I told him with a laugh.

He asks me questions about being tired and emotional, being sad and having a lack of interest and energy in things.

I start to cry. Of course. And that nurse gives me her "awww" face. Of course.

The doctor grabs my hand and looks me in my teary eyes and says to me "it's ok." He holds up his hand, saying, "sometimes life is up here...and sometimes we dip in and out, having good days, then some bad days. But before we know it the good days are even down here....and we just need something to keep us up here, the bad days will still come, but they just won't take you down so far."

I didn't even have to ask. I've battled depression my whole life, but never had the nerve to ask, I always thought I was strong enough to get thru it on my own. This doctor that I disliked so intensely, was paying attention and saw my tears, and told me I should give anti-depressants a try.

So I am.

It's been 6 days and I can already tell a difference.

I wish I would have had the nerve to ask a long time ago.

{Truth}

It's been a crappy day thus far...and I've still got more to do.

This is what my living room looks like ALL. THE. TIME.

I almost lied...said "today" this is what my living room looks like "today".

But I just can't lie...its like this all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah....its not that bad and "oh Sarah, you have kids" but it is to me...because this is just ONE part...the ENTIRE house looks like this (see...I almost lied again and left that part out by omission). I can't get away from the clutter and mess. I clean one room...move onto the next...and they've destroyed the first room.
And by "they"...I mean Jax. It's been so long since Aube was a terrorizing mess of a baby, I'd forgotten what destruction they leave in their path.

But then....that would be yet ANOTHER lie...because...the spaces that are not "baby" ...such as...this desk for instance, or the kitchen table....yeah...they're covered it crap, too. C.R.A.P.

 My poor black chair. Its molting, just like it's mother, the couch did last year. But for some reason, I'm holding onto this crappy, ugly thing that it's become....I can't seem to just put it out on the curb.

And don't get me started on THE RUG. Geez Louise.
I actually have the money to go and get a new one....thank goodness for tax returns. But what kind of rug to get?! I have black furnishings...decorations, etc....cause I love black and white and damask-ish stuff. But a red couch and a brown chair. UGH. I'm going to have to change everything, aren't I? I'm a freak about brown and black not mixing!

Anyways...that's not the real issue. The real issue is that my house is a mess, because I'm a mess.

I went to the doctor for the first time today in YEARS, other than baby-birthin' of course...my last Primary Care Physician was....my Grandpa. When I get sick...I just take the over-the-counter junk and ride it out. That's just the way it goes, thankfully, I've had nothing severe happen to me for 15 years. But lately....I've felt  a bit off....and since I turned 30, I've wanted to go get a check-up, make sure everything is ok. I have a suspicion I might have hypothyroidism...underactive {lazy} thyroid. So I finally went....to the doc James goes to over by his work...cause it's easier that way. I don't really have anyone to babysit my kids {I do...but only in dire emergencies will I put someone out with adding TWO more kids to their TWO or more}...and I'm not crazy enough to take 2 kids to a dr's appt....so James takes them on his "lunch" hour while I go to an appointment. {I'm SO thankful he can do stuff like that....bless his boss' heart}
James said the guy was "old but nice" so after a few MONTHS of hemming and hawing {is that really the way you say that?} I finally had James make me an appointment...since I don't call....seriously, I don't. Ever. Unless it's for the kids, and there's a slim chance I'll call for them unless its a Peds appt. I'm weird. I know.
The nurse went over an uber-overload of questions. "He wants to know everything." she says. I, myself, have a list of things I want to talk about...but only get to two because I SERIOUSLY don't want to tell this skinny, cute, young chick all my problems, ya know?! There are sick people in this office...like really sick people....and my "problems" just make me feel silly. So's I wait for the doc to come in and figure, I'll just bring it up then....but I don't.
Why?
Well...I guess I said something about losing my mind to the nurse, and she wrote it down...so he asked me "what's up with your memory" right off the bat. Umm....I can't remember anything! I have to write everything down....I walk into a room and forget why, sometimes the milk ends up in the pantry. Ya know, normal stuff for a mom who has a bajillion things going on, right?! I really wasn't that worried about it. And then he tells me I need to concentrate more on what is being told to me and I'll get better at remembering....so now I know that I am just some silly girl to him...and everything he said to me after that was a blur...until the end when it was "You should really try to lose weight, eat a low calorie diet, and exercise."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. Like I don't know that and haven't been TRYING.

Then he said we'd set up blood work....and his nurse came in to set that up, so he left. And I cried. The poor nurse. She didn't know what to do. She's all: "what did I do wrong? do you need some chocolate?" Which just made it worse...since you know, I'm fat and chocolate will cure everything. Bleh.
Something was just triggered at that moment and I couldn't stop crying. Even now...it's ridiculous.

Deep breath...

Gotta move on...and go shopping whilst Bella is in dance class.

Jax and James take a trip

James and Jax have been gone....just got back this morning. James wanted to go and be a part of his sister's new baby's blessing....and it just made sense for him to take Jax with him, since the ticket was free and it had been awhile since family had seen the boy. They had a blast...

The girls and I had a great time too...we got some much needed mommy/daughter time. Especially at night, when I made them sleep in mommy's bed...since I'm a scaredy-cat when it comes to nighttime. {I should probably lay off shows like Criminal Minds} It was fun at first...we read books and sang songs...

 Then it got kinda crowded....

 James kept me updated with several pictures thru out the day...so I could keep tabs on my little dude!  He always had a smile on his face. That's one of the awesome things about Jax...he's a lover...I kept getting texts from my in-laws saying how he lights up the room.

It was nice to have a little break, too....but I'm oh-so-glad they are both home. I felt like I was forgetting something the ENTIRE time Jax was gone...and I've noticed I can get MORE done when I'm multi-tasking {ie, have more than one child to ignore take care of}...I had these big plans to get a bunch of craftycrap done...but nope, each night I just sat and vegged! AND....I was busy each night. Seriously....last night, went from Tball game to teaching Achievements to another dinner planning meeting. Gah. And because I still work 3 nights a week and I want at least ONE night for just our family, I have to shove meetings, meetings, meetings into 2 nights a week. Yuck. But....everything I've signed up for I WANT to do...so I just gotta deal ;).

Taking advantage of not having a slobbery baby in my arms...I finally went to the podiatrist...that's right folks, I did it.

Turns out it wasn't all just in my head....I have what's called Plantar Fasciitis. It all kind of matched up...pain upon rising, improvement after walking for several minutes, pain produced by pressure applied in a specific location on your foot but not with pressure in other areas.....etc.  So he gave me some stretching exercises, which have actually helped a lot even after just one day. And in 2 weeks I'm going back for some shoe inserts. He told me I needed to wear shoes at all times....which makes sense, and something I have been doing lately that's made a big difference {having all tile is tearing my feet up!} thank you Birkenstocks {or faux birks....since I bought them off Ebay, so ya never know...} even tho I'm probably the only person who wears Birks anymore...but whatever, we can bypass fashion in the name of pain-free feet, right? So, he told me stuff I probably already knew, but it was nice to get that validation! I also have a bone spur, which are usually pretty painful, on the foot that DOESN'T hurt....and the foot that gives me the most pain only has a small, forming bone spurs. They took x-rays and let me look at them....too cool.

So there ya go....lots and lots more to say, as always...but I think I hear my little boy waking up ;).

A little about our day....

Today was Aube's 2 year appointment. Here are her STATS:

36.02 inches tall

32lbs 7.5oz.

95th percentile for heighth and weight but since they are so even, they even each other out.

We found out the thing on her shoulder and under her chin we thought was a skin tag, but turns out to be Molluscum Contagiosum. Which the doctor says should go away with in 6 months, and since its not in a very noticeable area, to just let nature run its course, since removing them takes time and can be kind of painful. I guess her immune system should kick in and create an antibody for this particular virus....and yes, its a virus, which means its possibly contagious.

"Molluscum contagiosum is caused by a virus (molluscum contagiosum virus) that is part of the pox virus family. The virus is contagious through direct contact and is more common in children."

But no worries parents (especially parents of those who were at our house this weekend, with kids bouncing around with Aube!)...this virus is only spread by direct contact with the area, and Aubree's are always covered by clothes! Still totally not cool! Of course before I took Aube to the doctor I had secret worries about skin cancer, etc, since the "mole" was growing quite rapidly...I'll take a virus over that any day!

After the doctor's office, we headed into Ft Worth to go to lunch with daddy. It was just the three of us, since Shannon so kindly watched big sister for us. And it was so nice to have a few hours just to spend with Aubree. She enjoyed a lunch of pizza and dipit....though I think more dipit than anything else. The weather is lovely now...and walking around downtown is so fun!

I can't believe my baby is TWO!!

Bella Bella sat on a wall, Bella Bella had a great fall....

Today started off to be just a nice relaxing, hang out with Grammy and Papa, kind of day.....the girls helped Topher wash James' car (finally after a year....and I will post pictures of that later, cause it's cute). Then....Bella was running excitedly into the office to show Daddy something, tripped and busted her forehead on the edge of the futon frame!
The next thing I know....James is running thru the family room, blood pouring all over Bella's face and clothes...into our bedroom. I run after him, thinking, what the crap? And find him pressing a washcloth over Bella's forehead on the bathroom floor. I basically push him out of the way to get to my bleeding daughter (sorry James!) and hold her tightly while she struggles to sit up.
Now...I don't have to tell ANY of you what a horrible feeling it is to see your child bleeding in anyway...injured and crying. I know you know that feeling deep in your bones. It's horrible, it makes you want to cry, it makes you want to take that pain away and make them feel better!
So...we called up her doctor, let her know what was happening. She told us to get to the ER, let them check it out and stitch it up if needed. Well....the ER is not somewhere I want to be going, so I suggested maybe stopping by a CareNow and getting her treated there. It was a quick little wait, and a nice doctor....everything checked out fine. It seemed that she punctured an artery in her forehead, so it was a bit of a bleeder.

Poor baby...we opted to skip the stitches part, since I really couldn't see Bella sitting still for that!!! And the dr used a glue to put her back together. Now she's got a great big gooseegg on her forehead...and a headache, of course. BUT she still wanted to dance to Mamma Mia when we got home!

Not for the faint of heart:

The outfit Bella was wearing when she hit her head. Yes, I know, I know...a little bit too much. But you are just lucky I didn't take pictures when she was covered in blood OR at the doctors! The camera didn't even cross my mind! (shocker)
No worries....she is OK...we are watching her, I know the signs and symptoms...but as always, keep her in your prayers. Ü