Monday, April 4, 2011

follow-up

So, I went back to the doctor {yes...that one....} for a follow-up. My blood work came in normal, but he still wanted to see me to talk about some other options to what has been going on. I was so nervous for this appointment...I didn't want it to end up like the last one...I was making myself so anxious that I felt like I could hurl. Yuck.

But I didn't.

And the stupid, 12 year old tech came in and asked me questions, blah blah blah...making me even more nervous...

Then....in comes the doctor {with the other nurse who offered me chocolate when I bawled after the last appointment...embarrassing...cause, yes...she remembered}. He tells me they ran all kinds of tests on my thyroid and nothing. My cholestrol is fine. My blood pressure is fine. "So, it's just me" I told him with a laugh.

He asks me questions about being tired and emotional, being sad and having a lack of interest and energy in things.

I start to cry. Of course. And that nurse gives me her "awww" face. Of course.

The doctor grabs my hand and looks me in my teary eyes and says to me "it's ok." He holds up his hand, saying, "sometimes life is up here...and sometimes we dip in and out, having good days, then some bad days. But before we know it the good days are even down here....and we just need something to keep us up here, the bad days will still come, but they just won't take you down so far."

I didn't even have to ask. I've battled depression my whole life, but never had the nerve to ask, I always thought I was strong enough to get thru it on my own. This doctor that I disliked so intensely, was paying attention and saw my tears, and told me I should give anti-depressants a try.

So I am.

It's been 6 days and I can already tell a difference.

I wish I would have had the nerve to ask a long time ago.

7 comments:

Julie {isCocoandCocoa} said...

I'm so glad that your doctor turned out to be good.

Danielle said...

freaking good for you, sarah. you deserve to have your good days be good.

{HUGS}

Christina said...

Oh hunny!!! ((((((HUGS))))))

Glad you are getting some relief!! Keep your chin up! So glad you have a good doctor! :)

Cheree said...

Brave Sarah - you are so very brave. You should be proud of yourself.

Take a hug from me too!!

Bell Family Blog said...

Im proud of you Sarah! Depression is a hard thing to admit to and accept. I too have suffered from depression most my life. It got so bad in Texas I was suicidal. After Emma was born I got postpartum depression way bad but didn't know it for what it was so it went untreated for years and escalated until after Chloe was born and then I finally talked to my sister about what I was going through and she was going through the same thing. Our mom has had major issues with severe depression and pills and I never wanted to go there but I talked to my doctor and got on some good pills and aren't so intense and at least for me depression pills don't always have to be a permanent thing. I took them for 6 months and weaned myself off them and I don't know where I would be it I hadn't taken them, they helped a lot and I haven't had to go back on them tho I expect I will after I have another baby. I would think about the medication only being a temporary thing if you can, depression pills can have bad side effects. I love you Sarah girl, you're an amazing women and such a great example! Hugs!

Jenni said...

I think sometimes there is such a stigma with depression and heaven forbid you can't "snap out of it" all by yourself. I think it takes great courage to face what is going on and take steps forward so that you can be there and enjoy your life and family. Bravo for you and we are all behind you 100%. All the women in my emmediate family (myself included) have struggled with various levels of depression. Looking on the bright side of things and being grateful for what we have been blessed with helps, but sometimes we just need another little push. I'm glad that you are getting the help that you weren't even sure that you needed.

Krista said...

Oh Sarah!! I'm so glad you had a much better experience this time and that you got what you needed!! *Hugs*