Thursday, January 21, 2010

Life only demands from you the strength you possess.

There are 79 days till my due date....
Minus 5ish days...so that's 74 days till my doctor induces me.
And I am freaked out over here.

This happened with Aubree. At about this same time, too. I would just think too much and get to the point where I was positive the baby was NOT coming out....I couldn't imagine how I could get thru another birth. I never got like that with Bella, because I just didn't know and I was confident for some reason...ignorance is bliss, right? Bella ruined it for all my other babies with her birth being so hard. At home, no drugs, 15 hours, 9lb baby....it was a doozie. Aube was better...but I was so nervous that even with the epidural, I was shaking and my hands were going numb when it came time to push. Of course, after it's all over you are so in love with that baby you can't think of anything else.

But, of course, it all comes back...with only 74 days till delivery. I try not to sit and dwell on it...because I always look at the birthing process in the wrong way...I look at it thru scared eyes. But why wouldn't I look at it that way? I'm scared....even tho I've done this twice before, we were both healthy and strong, no problems...there is always that "What if?". I think as I've gotten older, my OCD has started to overtake my persona...it's become hard to let things just happen, I like to be in control too much!

And that is where the problem lies. With something such as birthing a baby, you can't expect things to go in one certain direction...more than likely, it won't happen the way you want...it may actually happen alot BETTER than you expected (such as Aube's birth), and then there are the times when things go wrong! And that's where I get myself into trouble, thinking about those "things". And I get nervous, scared...end up having a mini-panic attack and can barely get to sleep without doing a breathing exercise or two. Eek...

A few days ago, my friend Christina posted on her private blog about her positive mothering affirmations ....so I took a few hints from her and started thinking over some positive birthing affirmations for myself. Last night as I lay in bed, I went thru a few, such as:
*I am not afraid. It will not be easy, but I get to meet my son!
*I trust in my body, it's done this twice before, it knows what it's doing.
*Keep breathing slow and even. Inhale peace, exhale tension. I can breathe thru anything.
*I am ready and prepared for this.

Say them, feel them, believe them & be them…

Just as a woman's heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hands to pull back from the fire, so she knows when and how to give birth.

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6 comments:

craftyashley said...

I only have SIX days... and I am FREAKING out too!

JanEllenSanders said...

It will all be fine Sarah! I was a bit nervous for Andrew's as we just needed him here physically. I did do epidurals with the 1st 4. I opted to go without with Andrew and I think I would do it that way again. He was big like Bella 9lbs 1 oz...Good luck! Wish we were there to meet him when he comes!

Christina said...

Sarah, you will be fine! :) I know what you mean though! If you want some more affirmations check out the book Hypnobirthing. It has a TON of great affirmations. Or, I could just email them to you! They are great! I can't wait to do my hypnobirth! I'm glad you are trying the affirmations! Your body CAN do this.

Krista said...

You were worried with Aube because you didn't know the wonderful thing that is the epidural! This one should be just fine. You know there is relief right around the corner:)

Jenni said...

I am proud of you just for recognizing what is causing you the concern and trying to work through it. It is amazing how much we can do with these wonderful bodies that Heavenly Father designed for us. I know you can do it.

Julie said...

I completely understand being terrified by your first delivery. I was so happy that my second one went so much more smoothly. Epidurals are wonderful things!