Wednesday, February 23, 2011

{Truth}

It's been a crappy day thus far...and I've still got more to do.
This is what my living room looks like ALL. THE. TIME.
I almost lied...said "today" this is what my living room looks like "today".
But I just can't lie...its like this all the time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah....its not that bad and "oh Sarah, you have kids" but it is to me...because this is just ONE part...the ENTIRE house looks like this (see...I almost lied again and left that part out by omission). I can't get away from the clutter and mess. I clean one room...move onto the next...and they've destroyed the first room.
And by "they"...I mean Jax. It's been so long since Aube was a terrorizing mess of a baby, I'd forgotten what destruction they leave in their path.
But then....that would be yet ANOTHER lie...because...the spaces that are not "baby" ...such as...this desk for instance, or the kitchen table....yeah...they're covered it crap, too. C.R.A.P.
 My poor black chair. Its molting, just like it's mother, the couch did last year. But for some reason, I'm holding onto this crappy, ugly thing that it's become....I can't seem to just put it out on the curb.
And don't get me started on THE RUG. Geez Louise.
I actually have the money to go and get a new one....thank goodness for tax returns. But what kind of rug to get?! I have black furnishings...decorations, etc....cause I love black and white and damask-ish stuff. But a red couch and a brown chair. UGH. I'm going to have to change everything, aren't I? I'm a freak about brown and black not mixing!

Anyways...that's not the real issue. The real issue is that my house is a mess, because I'm a mess.

I went to the doctor for the first time today in YEARS, other than baby-birthin' of course...my last Primary Care Physician was....my Grandpa. When I get sick...I just take the over-the-counter junk and ride it out. That's just the way it goes, thankfully, I've had nothing severe happen to me for 15 years. But lately....I've felt  a bit off....and since I turned 30, I've wanted to go get a check-up, make sure everything is ok. I have a suspicion I might have hypothyroidism...underactive {lazy} thyroid. So I finally went....to the doc James goes to over by his work...cause it's easier that way. I don't really have anyone to babysit my kids {I do...but only in dire emergencies will I put someone out with adding TWO more kids to their TWO or more}...and I'm not crazy enough to take 2 kids to a dr's appt....so James takes them on his "lunch" hour while I go to an appointment. {I'm SO thankful he can do stuff like that....bless his boss' heart}
James said the guy was "old but nice" so after a few MONTHS of hemming and hawing {is that really the way you say that?} I finally had James make me an appointment...since I don't call....seriously, I don't. Ever. Unless it's for the kids, and there's a slim chance I'll call for them unless its a Peds appt. I'm weird. I know.
The nurse went over an uber-overload of questions. "He wants to know everything." she says. I, myself, have a list of things I want to talk about...but only get to two because I SERIOUSLY don't want to tell this skinny, cute, young chick all my problems, ya know?! There are sick people in this office...like really sick people....and my "problems" just make me feel silly. So's I wait for the doc to come in and figure, I'll just bring it up then....but I don't.
Why?
Well...I guess I said something about losing my mind to the nurse, and she wrote it down...so he asked me "what's up with your memory" right off the bat. Umm....I can't remember anything! I have to write everything down....I walk into a room and forget why, sometimes the milk ends up in the pantry. Ya know, normal stuff for a mom who has a bajillion things going on, right?! I really wasn't that worried about it. And then he tells me I need to concentrate more on what is being told to me and I'll get better at remembering....so now I know that I am just some silly girl to him...and everything he said to me after that was a blur...until the end when it was "You should really try to lose weight, eat a low calorie diet, and exercise."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. Like I don't know that and haven't been TRYING.

Then he said we'd set up blood work....and his nurse came in to set that up, so he left. And I cried. The poor nurse. She didn't know what to do. She's all: "what did I do wrong? do you need some chocolate?" Which just made it worse...since you know, I'm fat and chocolate will cure everything. Bleh.
Something was just triggered at that moment and I couldn't stop crying. Even now...it's ridiculous.

Deep breath...

Gotta move on...and go shopping whilst Bella is in dance class.

11 comments:

Jenny said...

THIS is why I NEVER GO TO OLD FART MALE DOCTORS!!! They ALWAYS ALWAYS say the exact same thing! "You're just a neurotic woman and you need to lose weight." You don't know HOW many stories people have told me exactly like the one you just posted---and I've experienced two myself. I SWEAR, was it a RULE in the seventies for male doctors to treat female patients like idiots?

After I got married, I had some bladder issues, and after visiting Steven's doctor (again, OLD FART MALE doctor), he prescribed me ANTI-DEPRESSANTS and said I should have more sex. SERIOUSLY???????? I bawled the entire way home. After visiting a younger, female doctor about the same bladder issues, I found out the real reasons behind my problems and felt so stinking angry at that first old quack.

Go see someone else. It is not you. Some doctors just don't know when to retire.

Shannon said...

Oh Sarah! I wish I could give you a hug right now! What a pooper OLD FART! I have a wonderful regular doc if you need a referral, he never makes me feel stupid, even when I probably AM being stupid.

Ugg, reading your story made me tear up! How scary to go and then have him be a turd. If you feel like something is OFF don't let it slide, write down what you want to say at home, where you can keep a cool head (I ALWAYS forget my questions once I am sitting there half nekkid) and then just read the list. Oh, I hope you find a good doc that will listen to you! This just makes me so angry for you!

Danielle said...

oh my goodness! sarah! i cannot believe this, i am sooo mad! i was ready for a feel-good story, and this was not the one!

okay, so after i had maddy, i totally felt the same way (i probably do now, too, but i'm just used to it) and i suspected my thyroid. i went in for my well-woman exam and the very first thing my dr said to me was 'have we talked about your thyroid?' i don't know if it was bulging out of my neck or what, but anyway. turns out everything was okay, i guess (there are a couple different tests for it and most drs only run the one that doesn't really find anything), so whatever.

okay, enough about me. what can we do here? can you go see your ob/gyn? i know i could see mine for that. don't expect half-a$$ answers from that guy, go see someone else! and that nurse, did she really ask that? omg. want to kill her.

hang in there!!!

(and what it is about me that your house looked totally normal & acceptable? come over to my place if you want to cry.)

Danielle said...

ps - you need to read 'the happy housewife,' by darla shine (or something). it has some really weird things in it, but has some really basic keeping-up-with-the-house stuff that has helped me a ton. (not that you need help with that, but you know.)

Bell Family Blog said...

Gosh Sarah Im so sorry! What a crappy doctor! And Im sorry you had such a crappy day and I kept pestering you about the tooth craft. You're such an amazing women Sarah and I admire you in so many ways!! I Love You! Wish I was there and could give you a Hug. Hugs!!

Jenni said...

What a pile of crap! I concur to all of the above. Even though you don't want to, farm your kids out for an afternoon and go see a real doctor.

Jenni said...

Oh and my house looks like that most of the time. I'm totally a piler. I don't even have the excuse of little kids. We will just plame it on the huby and high schooler!

Julie said...

Sarah, I am so glad you posted this because I seriosly GET IT! I can't think somedays {most days} or I have something to say and I don't remember what I opened my mouth to say 2 seconds ago. It's definitely being a mother and trying to multi task. I LOVE to sew and when I try to cram it in, I think it just makes things worse because then other things don't get done, i.e. laundry and dishes. Then I feel like when my house in in disaray, I am in disarray. It is REALLY hard to find a balance between doing everything for your family because you love them and doing things (crafting/sewing) for yourself because it makes you happy and enjoy it. I told you I.GET.IT. ;)
I have also decided that I snap at my kids and I feel like nothing gets done and I don't have the energy for it...and the culprit for me is that I need to lose weight. For myself to feel better, I think that's what I need to do. good luck, I hope you are feeling better since this visit. hang in there. Motherhood is HARD.
I am going to get a milk shake ;)

Krista said...

What a complete turd!!! Obviously we have all come across those kinds of doctors. And who knows, maybe it was an off day for him (since James thinks he's nice) but he needs to realize that it takes a lot for some to go to the doctors and that was just completely insensitive. Doctors just don't listen anymore or take the time to make sure we have asked all of our questions. They are already going out the door before we are even half done!! If there is something up with your blood work, you should take that info and totally go to someone else.
Oh, and I should take a picture of my kids' play room. I try to clean it but it's super messy two seconds later. You can't keep up when you have kids this age. I feel like my house is only clean from like 1-3 because it takes all morning to get it straightened up and it starts to get messy again as soon as they get up from their naps. I can't wait until they are old enough for some real chores:)
I hope you are having a better day!! And a big thanks for those sacrament meeting ideas. I need them desperately because Trav is up on the stand leading music half the time:)

Julie {isCocoandCocoa} said...

Ditto to all the above. And your house looks like REAL PEOPLE LIVE THERE!! So, thank you for being real!

And the doctor you went to sounds like a jerk! There are good doctors out there. I'm not thrilled with mine right now but I used to have an awesome one (he doesn't take my insurance now). So go see and good one!

Simply Sarah *K* said...

I just wanted to say how much I love and appreciate you all!!